Modern Romance

My friend Allie and I are both big fans of Aziz Ansari, so when he published a book called, Modern Romance we were excited to read it. As expected, it was funny but it surprised me to read how much research and data went into the book.  Before reading Modern Romance I was very opposed to online dating of any kind. I always felt like it was a last resort and because I am in my 20s, I figured I am not there yet. I still have time. However, Allie and I realized that we were wasting our 20s by sitting at home every night only hanging with each other. We weren’t meeting anyone new, and were just hoping prince charming and his brother would ring our doorbell. NEWSFLASH that wasn’t going to happen and here we are in our prime wasting it sitting on the couch watching Netflix. After reading Aziz’s book and we both felt inspired to put ourselves out there. I would have never decided to actually meet up with someone if Allie wasn’t also doing this with me and if we hadn’t turned this into a sort of game. These were the game rules we came up with:

Sign up and complete profile for Hinge* – 5 points because you deserve it! Signing up is half the battle.

1 point for every first date, 2 points for a second date etc. As our dating coach Aziz says you really need to give someone 4 dates.

1 point per strange/inappropriate message received. Dealing with bozos is exhausting we deserve to be rewarded.

Receive double the points if something weird/crazy happens (i.e. ghosted, choked, asks to walk you home to use your bathroom etc.) BYE FELICIA.

When you reach 25, 50, 75 points treat yo self! #youcanhavewhateveryoulike

*we later deleted Hinge and switched to Bumble

Our rules were pretty simple but collecting points really helps keep you motivated to sort through the bozos. One of the big takeaways from Modern Romance was that you should give someone four dates before you make a decision about them. A lot of people think that you can get a good read on someone based on meeting them just once. In reality the more you get to know someone and the more shared experiences you have allows you to make a better decision about a person. Studies show you only need to hang out with someone four times to make the right decision. Our goal for every date was that it would lead to four. Even if after just one date we weren’t feeling it we were going to force ourselves to keep going.

Last year my roommate was on Tinder, and she came across so many people we know (cringe) and so many strange people who wanted to take her on dates to swingers clubs. Someone once told me Tinder was equivalent to the city bus, I knew I did not want to sign up for Tinder. My sister suggested Hinge. I had never heard of it before but I liked that it gave you people with whom you share a mutual friend with. It made it seem more like a way to get introduced to people than a dating service. The risk of getting asked to a swingers club seemed less likely.

Something Aziz talks about in Modern Romance is you should spend time getting to know each other in person. Your communication on the app should be very brief before you set up a place and time to meet. And you shouldn’t have to play secretary to find a time to meet. If a guy spends too much time talking to you online before asking you out or you have to go back and forth too many times to find a time that works, NEXT. That guy is not the one for you. We were very curious to see how these things would play out in the real world so we signed up and started swiping.